You Tube Theology

Does God really tell women they need to submit to abuse and stay in marriages where they're being raped and harmed? Today's interview with Dr. Helen Painter is one you need to hear—whether you're stuck in an abusive marriage getting horrible advice from your pastor, or you know someone who is. We're diving deep into what the Bible actually says about abuse and divorce, and spoiler alert: God does NOT require women to stay in abusive marriages. Please share this episode with anyone who needs to hear this life-saving truth.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed discussion of marital rape, sexual abuse, and domestic violence

HELEN PAYNTER'S BOOK
"The Bible Doesn't Tell Me So": https://amzn.to/4mYce9X

TO SUPPORT US
Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
https://patreon.com/baremarriage

Donate through the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation:
https://baremarriage.com/give-through-bosko/

And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
https://sheilawraygregoire.com/shop/

SIGN UP for our weekly emails--Rebecca writes them, and they're amazing!
https://baremarriage.com/join-the-newsletter/

LINKS MENTIONED
Naghmeh’s Facebook Post: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1B7LY8kVPm/

The original recording of the Calvery Chapel Pastor: https://www.youtube.com/live/z-z9wh-GXt8?si=dOtqAMGWmMhOl_Lv
(at around 59:35)

Centre for the Study of Bible and Violence: https://www.csbvbristol.org.uk/

Mentioned Scholar: David Instone-Brewer (rabbinical thought on divorce): https://davidinstonebrewer.blogspot.com/2021/04/publications.html

TIMELINE
00:00 Introduction: A Heartbreaking Letter
5:16 The Pastor's Response: Twisted Scripture
6:15 Helen Responds to the pastor’s letter
13:40 Clip of Pastor Paul Leboutier addressing abuse as a factor in divorce
17:16 What Does It Mean to Suffer for Christ?
26:22 What do Jesus and the Old Testament say about Divorce?
29:49 God’s Plan For Marriage & How the Bible Illustrates That Men Need to change How They View Their Wives
34:54 Are There Biblical Grounds To Divorce For Abuse?
46:59 Separation Without Divorce Is Dangerous And Ineffective
57:28 Jesus is Your Safe Place

KEY TALKING POINTS

1. The Suffering Passages In Scripture Are About Persecution From The Empire, Not Spousal Abuse When Jesus and the apostles talked about suffering, they were all martyred. They weren't sitting comfortably telling others to suffer while they remained safe.
2. The Old Testament Explicitly Permits Divorce For Neglect - If a husband deprives his wife of food, clothing, or marital rights, she can go free. Since neglect is a lighter form of abuse, abuse is clearly grounds for divorce.
3. Jesus Never Overturned The Old Testament Divorce Permissions When Jesus said divorce was allowed "because of hardness of heart," he was talking about the abuser's hardness of heart, not the victim's.
4. Passages From Both The Old AND New Testament Have Been Twisted To Enable Abusive SpousesChurch leaders are taking Bible passages about persecution and suffering out of their context and weaponizing one-dimensional interpretations to keep women trapped in marriages that God never intended them to endure.
5. Abuse is covenant breach - Just as adultery breaks the marriage covenant, so does abuse. A woman divorcing an abusive husband isn't breaking the covenant—her husband already broke it through his abuse.
6. Separation without divorce is dangerous and ineffective - It maintains financial, legal, and social entanglement. Couples counseling in abuse situations is harmful because abusers are manipulative and the relationship lacks equal power.
7. Harmful Doctrine On Divorce And Marriage Are Pulling Abused Women Away From God When pastors teach abused women that they must stay with their abusive spouse AND that God intends for them to endure unimaginable harm in their marriage, the church is placing an obstacle between that woman and God and teaching her that God will never be her safe place.